Moms who regret having kids: Despite taboo, they still need support

January 6, 2017
in Kids

Simone Chubb went on anti-depresents after she admitted to regretting her daughter, Riley. (Steve Bagwell) Just after she got engaged, Simone Chubb, a 21-year-old from Pennsylvania, found herself in the throes of a horrendous pregnancy. She vomited at least once a day, if not multiple times, and in the midst of it, she found out she was having a girl, though she'd wanted a boy. Three months into her pregnancy, Chubb and her husband, who was in the military, moved to Kansas, away from family. That was where she gave birth to Riley Faye, whom Chubb immediately regretted. "As soon as I had her, I realized, 'I'm miserable,'" said Chubb, now 21. "I'm sore and tired, and I have to do everything." She, like many women who've regretted being mothers, didn't tell anyone how she felt because she was ashamed. It was another two months until Chubb whispered the words, "I regret having a baby," to her doctor, who referred her to a therapist. Chubb started taking antidepressants, which helped. Sometimes. Statistics on the number of people who truly regret having children are hard to come by, because the topic is such a taboo, said Avital Norman Nathman, author of "The Good Mother Myth." "It goes against everything our society says mothers should say or feel," Nathman said. "Society sets us up to expect one idea of perfection of motherhood — it's the ideal job, it's a huge part of our identity." But the reality is nearly always different. Perhaps that's why a Facebook group created for parents who regret having children has more than 5,200 members (the Tribune tried to reach some members but was unable to get responses), and according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 3 percent of parents admit to regretting their decision to...

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